Cee-Lo Green tries new lyrics on Colbert

Stephen Colbert is all about free speech and artistic expression. So, he was treading lightly when he asked Cee-Lo Green to switch out the key words of his hit single "F--k You" when the Southern soul singer appeared on The Colbert Report on Tuesday night. Beef stew? Fox News? Neither really suits the song, which calls a cheating, gold-digging girl on the carpet for her bad behavior. But Green was a good sport and tested out the latter. Yeah, it's family friendly, and Green can make anything work with that velvety voice. But it's still wrong. Listen to the uncensored, NSFW version here.

Lifetime's Fairy Jobmother will whip your unemployed ass into shape

Hayley Taylor doesn't need a wand to play the title role in The Fairy Jobmother, a new tough-love reality show on Lifetime, but she might as well have a whip. She's telling me, via an online time-management tool, that I nap, gossip and text too much. With the time I waste on those (essential!) activities, I could be earning a nursing degree or something. This chick's got some nerve. (And what's up with those outfits?)
  Anyway, the "Kickstart Your Life" quiz told me at least seven hours of my week could be better spent. That's 364 hours a year, which, when Jobmother puts it that way, does guilt me a little that I don't have an MBA by now. The online tool from Los Angeles-based AvatarLabs also gives us slackers some goals and ways to achieve them. (Hint: Peer pressure is involved, as you're encouraged to post your progress, or lack thereof, on your social networks.)

The simple $11 solution to the Fox, Cablevision screw job

You may remember a blog post of mine a year or so ago about getting rid of Time Warner Cable service in my previous apartment, because, well, the service sucked. ESPN (along with a bunch of other channels) would be blacked out for no apparent reason, the DVR would stop working for no reason and my favorite show Lost would come in grainily sometimes. Not to mention the hours I spent on the phone with TWC operators who knew less about cable boxes and rebooting them than I did. My solution? I went to Best Buy here in New York City, bought a cable-coaxial-equipped set of TV rabbit ears, plugged it into my Sony Bravia HD TV, held my breath and voila! I ended up getting all the broadcast networks in HD … for $11. Not to mention a few other great channels like PBS.

Eva Longoria blows up, yo

Any fan of ABC's aging but still kicking series, Desperate Housewives, already knew that Eva Longoria was saucy as supermodel-turned-mom Gabrielle Solis. But she's a rapper, too? Now that's a surprise. (It helps that Longoria rhymes with Astoria). Check out this video promo for the 2010 MTV EMAs, an awards show coming up Nov. 7 that doles out trophies for world music. Longoria, who'll be hosting from Madrid, gives a shout out to the dramedy that made her a household name, peppers the promo with her native Spanish and calls us all bitches. In a revealing bathing suit, yet! Try that, Snoop! It's totally off the chain, yo.

Mad Men recaps: season 4, episodes 10-13

Hands and Knees. Remember that crazy California trip Don and Pete took in season 2, when Don inexplicably disappeared? Well, North American Aviation comes back to haunt him: This time, the feds are sniffing around. Pete purposely blows the account to save Don's secret. And man was he pissed. If that news weren't bad enough, Lucky Strike tells Roger they're leaving the agency. Plus, one of the most brutal moments on the small screen in recent memory: Lane's father beating him with the cane. Could have easily killed him.
  Chinese Wall. Despite Roger's attempt to buy some time, news of Lucky Strike's departure inevitably leaks—and everyone's questioning the future of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. Speaking of the future: Looks like there isn't one for Roger and Joan. Did anyone else think he looked borderline suicidal?
  Blowing Smoke. Yet another blow to the agency, as Philip Morris feigns interest for a cigarette targeting females, then pulls back. Don makes a drastic move, running a full-page ad in The New York Times divorcing Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce from the tobacco industry altogether. This only continues the downward spiral, as Bert Cooper resigns and Faye (along with many others) loses her job. Well, Faye, we all know Don can inflict far more damage than that.
  Tomorrowland. Not quite as strong as the season 3 closer, and certainly not as uplifting. But … wow! Don marrying his secretary? How Roger of him. Wish I could say I saw it coming. Yet remember a few episodes back when Faye leaves Don's office but we focus on Megan applying lipstick? There was the subtle hint. Every woman is fair game with Don Draper. Poor Dr. Miller: talk about a woman scorned. Best line: "I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things." Who would've thought Betty firing Carla would set off such a chain reaction? Meanwhile, Joan has news that may trump the new Drapers. And wasn't that last scene with Don and Betty in the dark kitchen perfect?
  So, what are your thoughts on season 4?

Previously:
Mad Men recaps: season 4, episodes 6-9
Mad Men recaps: season 4, episodes 1-5

Colbert treats audience to Oprah surprise

Stephen Colbert don't need no stinkin' Oprah. But he copied her famous shower-the-audience-with-a-surprise-gift trick on Thursday night. Everybody in the Colbert Report crowd got a ticket to his Oct. 30 rally in Washington, D.C., complete with an Oprah-style reveal. "I am your Oprah!" Colbert said as he told squealing audience members to look under their chairs for the golden tickets. Moments earlier, his cohort Jon Stewart had announced that their separate rallies would be combined and the twofer would now be called the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear. (Colbert's former March to Keep Fear Alive kind of gets short shrift in the new name, which will wreak havoc on his rally-related merchandise.) Seems this was planned all along, with Colbert saying (pretending?) he couldn't get a permit for his rally, which was supposed to happen opposite Stewart's. Comedy Central recently said it will stream and air the rally live. (The network hadn't specified how it would cover both, so it looks like this was always in the offing.) But back to Oprah, who beamed in on a big screen to tell Stewart's audience that they, too, were going to the rally. Tickets all around! Much rejoicing! Arianna Huffington might want to order a few more buses, because nobody wants to take that Shin Wu Chinatown bus/deathtrap.

The 'Jersey Shore' kids really are animals

The cast of MTV's Jersey Shore has spent a lot of time catting around Miami this season and dogging each other back at the beachside bungalow. It's not too much of a stretch, then, for the opportunistic American Kennel Club and Cat Fanciers Association to assign real animals to represent each cast member. Snooki in dog form, after all, would have to be a Shih Tzu. (It's all about the flowing mane and the poof.) The two animal groups are latching onto the wildly popular pseudo-reality hit to promote Meet the Breeds, a show this coming weekend at the Jacob Javits Center in New York. The Situation in cat form would be an Oriental. (As a dog, he'd be a Staffordshire Bull Terrier because that pooch is ripped. Goofball Ronnie would be a Boxer. And JWoww as a cat would be a Devon Rex (read: big showoff). The series, meanwhile, continues to break records and put networks to shame on Thursday nights. (The most recent episode pulled in 6.7 million viewers and a 3.4 rating in the all-important 18-49 demo.) That they're all clawing each other's eyes out is at least half the thrill. Pets: Do not follow this example.

I swear, what is up with profanity on TV?

I don't know about you, but I'm a big fan of swearing. I love dropping F-bombs. I love adding a good curse word to a sentence. It livens things up. "That gentleman is going to lose his job" just doesn't sound as good as "That fucker's going to get shitcanned." I also love less offensive words like douchebag, twatwaffle (thanks, Gawker) and assclown. Those seem to be on the rise everywhere. ("No-talent assclown" was used to hilarious effect to describe Michael Bolton in Office Space.)
  So, as a big cursing fan, watching U.S. television is a real letdown. It's like it's stuck in the damned Dark Ages. After the jump, a breakdown of where we are (and should be) these days, regarding swearing on TV.

Conan O'Brien cleans up well in TBS spot

There are shades of Paris Hilton and her instantly (in)famous Carl's Jr. commercial mashed up here with nearly every hair-band music video from the '80s: Welcome to the on-air promotional campaign for Conan O'Brien's return to TV. The ginger comedian, who left NBC in a huff with lots of money and a rejuvenated fan base, has starred in a series of print ads for his late-night cable show, coming Nov. 8 to TBS. (Very funny, indeed!) There were also 11 short spots set to the John Waite song "Missing You" that did not feature the lanky funny man. And now this—an ode to car washing, slow-mo, suds and Def Leppard. See the previous ads at AdFreak, which has been covering them rather obsessively. Bring it on, Coco.

Once bitten, 'Sesame Street' isn't shy with its parody of HBO's 'True Blood'

The fangs were out for Katy Perry's video with Elmo, but Sesame Street should be just fine with this spoof of HBO's True Blood. The felt incarnation of vampire Bill Compton is amazingly more lifelike than the real thing! The pop-culture references are flying during the children's show's 41st year on the air—a year after the Muppets killed with their music-video version of "Bohemian Rhapsody." Up next on Sesame Street, we can expect Colin Farrell and his bowler hat and Oprah's voice to make an appearance. Check out the YouTube channel for more. Hat tip to The Live Feed for the True Mud clip.