Who could survive in a bleak, meaningless world without fantasy sports?

According to my profile, I have an overall winning percentage of 44 percent in Yahoo! Fantasy Sports games since 2003, having played in various leagues on 19 separate teams. That's pretty poor, I admit, but it doesn't stop me from coming back every year. I've played fantasy basketball and fantasy football, but the crème de la crème, for me, has always been fantasy baseball. 
  Every year, our league gets more competitive and exclusive, though the stakes remain the same: bragging rights, not a pot of gold. And that helps, especially in these hard times. Some of my favorite past team names: Real Madred-Sox (my first baseball team, when I was living in Madrid); The Bloody Socks (can you tell I'm a Red Sox fan?); and AnotherTerribleYear (yep, that was last year). There's nothing like a live online draft, where the league gets together all over the country to pick teams. There's an instant messenger tool, so teams can talk smack during the draft. Like last year, when someone picked up A-Rod, who most people, at least in our league, concur is a former-steroid-abusing phony. Once your team is picked and is sitting there in the queue, there's a feeling of, well, anything could happen. This could be the year. This could be the team that wins it all.
  I find it interesting, too, that it took this long for TV to pick up on this craze. I knew FX's The League would be nothing but fun, at least for me. (And it was great—I watched nearly the entire first season on Hulu over the holidays.) Sure, if you're not into fantasy sports, all the jokes go right over your head. But I know for a fact that this is not just a man's game, as The League sort of proposes. One of my best friends played in a football league this season with his fiancée's family. Think about losing to your future father-in-law. Or maybe letting him win a week. The possibilities for greatness are endless.

—Posted by Will Levith

'Dexter' makes a killing at Golden Globes

Yes, I'm gloating in the Golden Globe wins for Michael C. Hall (best actor in a drama) and John Lithgow (best supporting actor in a drama) this past weekend. Dexter, as you know, is one of my favorite shows, and I think both men deserved their statues. This is the first time, also, when two actors who play serial killers in the same show have won Globes. Charlize Theron won for Monster (the movie), but she was the only serial killer in that. Plus, neither Hall nor Lithgow had their faces all made up and disfigured or anything to play their roles—no big paint job like Ms. Theron. Their acting abilities (and general creepiness) won them those Globes.

—Posted by Will Levith

Love bites, but a cartoon TV series with Def Leppard would bite even more

There's a rich history of rock acts providing the basis for cartoon TV shows. (And by "rich," I mean that the projects inflated the wallets of the artists involved.) The Fab Four got animated at the height of Beatlemania, and in a more psychedelic fashion a few years later in Yellow Submarine. The Jackson 5 had a funkified show in the '70s, long before Michael became a living cartoon with no grip on reality. Now, we get Def Leppard signing a marketing deal with Primary Wave that could include an animated series. According to Billboard, the project "is in the early stages" and "has not been pitched to the networks." That's a good thing, as they'd surely reject it. I should know: They turned down my Phish Out of Water script even after I suggested casting Abe Vigoda as Grandpa. It's like they didn't get the joke! Look, the Beatles and the Jackson 5 were chart-toppers when they had such shows. Def Leppard peaked sometime around World War II. No one cares about them now. Besides, the greatest cartoon rock band of all time was entirely fictional, renowned for their "long tails and ears for hats." Def Leppard should try that approach in their series pitch. It sure couldn't hurt.

—Posted by David Gianatasio

5 ways in which TV (and the Internet) made 2009 somewhat bearable

I think it's safe to say that this year sucked. Sure, there were glimmers of hope here and there, but for the most part, with the economy in the cesspool, everything seemed to lose a bit of luster. Those tiny rays of light that kept me going this year were mostly TV-related—or TV-via-the-Internet-related, as I cut costs and ditched my cable bill several months ago. So, here's a list of five things that helped get me through 2009:

1. Fox's Fringe free on Hulu. I remember thinking that this show was just a knockoff of one of my all-time favorites, The X-Files. But then it really grew on me. There is real chemistry between Olivia (Anna Torv) and Peter (Joshua Jackson); between Peter and his father Walter (John Noble); and between Walter and his assistant Astrid (Jasika Nicole). With an ensemble cast that works so well together, it makes the sometimes X-derivative plots seem even better the second time around. And of course, Leonard Nimoy guest stars. How can you knock the Spock?

2. Knowing that the last season of Lost is right around the corner. Sure, I've watched and rewatched 2009's episodes, and realize I'm never going to get all the answers to satisfy all my creepy theories. But I know there's going to be closure. And that's what I think a lot of people are looking for these days. Foreclosure, on the other hand, has not been as popular.

3. The Programming Insider podcast. How I weaseled my way into this daily podcast series is beyond me. I believe it was because there was no support group for people like me who didn't understand what had happened the night before on Lost and needed answers. (You see, No. 2 is a pipe dream.) Anyhow, thanks to my colleagues Marc Berman and Michael Bürgi, I had somewhere to turn.

4. Mad Men seasons 1 and 2 on Netflix. My girlfriend and I blew through the first two seasons of the show, mainly because I had a crush on January Jones (Betty Draper) and she had a crush on Jon Hamm (Don Draper). Actually, we just enjoyed the great acting, the "period piece" quality to the show and the fantastic plot twists and turns. Elisabeth Moss in her pregnant-lady fat suit? Not so much.

5. Dexter screeners. One perk of working in this industry is that you get to see a lot of the shows before they air on TV. My colleagues heard of my budding addiction to the serial-killer drama and showered me with screeners. Everybody should just get over their fear of blood and gore and watch this fantastic show. It's nothing short of brilliant—and I've got my fingers crossed for Emmys for my boys Michael C. Hall and John Lithgow.

—Posted by Will Levith

I still miss TBS's James Bond marathons

One of the fonder holiday memories of my teenage years (and well into my college ones) was the James Bond marathon on TBS, which usually ran during the weekends of Thanksgiving and then Christmas. I can't exactly pinpoint the draw—maybe it was the memorable opening themes, the campy effects and Sean Connery/George Lazenby/Roger Moore/Timothy Dalton (this was before Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig) beating down villains like Ernst Stavro Blofeld and Auric Goldfinger. Or maybe it was the supporting cast of Bond girls with names like Pussy Galore and Plenty O'Toole. And all the cool gadgets Q used to hook James up with ("Pay attention, 007?!"). I certainly still equate the Bond movies with family and the holidays. TBS sent the Bond movie marathon over to Spike TV for a few years. Then it disappeared completely. Maybe the ratings were eaten alive by (Richard Kiel's) Jaws. Now the "15 Days of 007" (or whatever it used to be called) is nowhere to be found on cable TV. And I'm all grown up. Shit. UPDATE: Thank you, SyFy Channel, for stepping up this Thanksgiving. 

—Posted by Will Levith

Yes, Oprah's leaving daytime syndication. But don't worry, she'll be back.

You won't find this on my résumé, but 12 years ago, I worked for three long months at King World, home of Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy and The Oprah Winfrey Show (among others). I won't bore you with the details (it was not fun), but I do recall sitting in a meeting where a bevy of overpaid execs were ecstatic that Oprah was not stepping down from her top-rated podium. "Whew! No need to worry about our stock options now," laughed the head of the division. "We got her for two more years."
  Now, after talking about leaving her top-rated syndicated talk show for the past 12 years, she will finally do so in 2011. Personally, all I can say is, good riddance. Don't get me wrong, I recognize Oprah's impact. Everything she touches turns to gold. But I am just plain sick and tired of hearing about her departure. Aren't you? And I know damn well—as you should, too—that she is not "retiring." There is no way that the egomaniac of the century is walking away from her daily exposure. She feeds from this. She lives by this. And she is not walking away. It ain't gonna happen. My guess is Oprah will plop herself smack in the middle of OWN, the cable network she's creating in conjunction with Discovery Communications. And that, no doubt, will give the cable net a shot in the ratings arm. But what Oprah apparently does not know is that the cable platform is not daytime syndication, and there is no reason to believe she will attract an audience of the same magnitude. It's much easier to tune into Oprah on channel 7 in your local market from force of habit than find her on one of the higher channels. Looking into my crystal ball, I can already see the headlines in 2012 or 2013 about Oprah's amazing return to daytime syndication, once she realizes her impact has diminished on cable. Just wait. You'll see.
  As I always have said, there is only one Oprah. You can't duplicate her. And chances are Sony Pictures Television's Dr. Oz, who owes his success to Oprah, will inherit a large percentage of the Oprah time periods. But September 2011 is almost two years away. And for 20 long months, all we will be hearing about is Oprah departure. Personally, I can't stand it. Can you?

—Posted by Marc Berman

Miracle Whip's marketing team is not as massively dope as we had hoped

If you watched last night's Colbert Report, like I did, you were probably expecting some hard-core Miracle Whip attitude. But the self-described "bold marketing team at Miracle Whip" seemed to choose the less-is-more Miracle Whip attitude. Using the same spot three times over was apparently their interpretation of "airspace dominance." Oh, but wait. There was a lackluster and unfunny change of voiceover copy addressing the beef they have with Stephen Colbert. After the show, my boyfriend turned to me and said that if we had Miracle Whip in the refrigerator, he would have thrown it out. I said we don't use language like that in this house. Personal reactions aside, the most dominant and memorable moment? Stephen Colbert shaving Woody Harrelson's head while singing a duet of the National Anthem. That was the true definition of bold.

—Posted by Cindee Weiss

Mayonnaise lover Stephen Colbert will be swimming in Miracle Whip very soon

Click the ad to enlarge. When a sandwich spread (ewww) announces that it's mad as hell and it's not going to take it anymore, you know the Earth has spun off its axis. This past summer, Miracle Whip decided it was no longer going to be the stepchild of the condiment world. So, in a new ad campaign by mcgarrybowen, the Whip attempted to prove its hipness and coolness and anti-mayo-ness by showing hip, cool, anti-mayo people eating a lot of sandwiches and laughing. A lot of people, including Stephen Colbert, felt differently. Colbert went so far as to defend mayonnaise on his show. Now comes the really fun part. Today, Miracle Whip has gone and declared war on Stephen Colbert. The brand has apparently bought every ad slot on The Colbert Report this evening, and placed the ad shown here in newspapers warning Colbert that his commercial breaks will be filled with "mayonay-sayers" who will be "in your face and massively dope." I'm intrigued and scared by this. Intrigued by the prospect of how Colbert will top his previous parody, and scared that after that much of a Whippin, I may never eat a sandwich again.

—Posted by Cindee Weiss

John Lithgow is back in black in 'Dexter'

Even though I just got done giving Dexter's webisodes a tongue lashing, I'm still head-over-heels for the Showtime program. It's my new Lost. I can't get enough of it. Sure, there are speed bumps here and there (bad acting, some terrible subplots), but it engages me every time I watch it. Goosebumps abound! And the writing can't be beat. Season four is no exception, with the entrance of seasoned actor John Lithgow, guest starring as the Trinity Killer, a psychopathic serial killer who murders in threes. I must say, it's great to see Lithgow playing the bad guy again (even though we have to endure his 60-plus-year-old bare bottom in the first episode). He was everybody's least favorite dad in Footloose, the demented psychiatrist in Raising Cain, and a mountain climber's worst nightmare in Cliffhanger. Now, he's a twisted murderer—possibly the best bad guy role of his career. I predict an Emmy nod for this role at some point.

—Posted by Will Levith

Disney might just learn to love this whole YouTube thing after all

Why did Disney finally sign a distribution deal with YouTube earlier this year? To post sure-to-be-viral clips like this ESPN montage of New Mexico soccer star Elizabeth Lambert. Who has to be one of the least sportsmanlike, awesomest female athletes ever. A shaky bootleg copy of this SportsCenter snippet, uploaded by someone named MidwestDrummer, has already been streamed over 17,500 times as of Friday afternoon. But ESPN's official version is sure to spread rapidly. When is the Women's World Cup again?

—Posted by Mike Shields