Sorry, Lifetime, I won't be sticking around for anything besides 'Project Runway'

Dear Lifetime,
  You can try, but you will not convert me. I know what you're doing with your promos for Drop Dead Diva, that new Sherri Shepherd sitcom and some spiffed-up women-in-peril flicks under a soapy "September Secrets" banner (there's a contest!). You think you can make me a regular viewer, but I'm not biting. I'm just dropping by your chick-centric network because you're the new home for the wildly addictive Project Runway, which is doing wonders for your ratings. Sure, you want to capitalize on that. I understand, really. But like the Bravo-loving gays who've migrated with me for that single prime-time hour, I'm not your demo. Well, technically, I am your demo, if I'm not lying about my age. But I'm not your psychographic. In fact, if Nielsen's number-crunchers tracked my TV-watching habits, they'd guess there's a whole passel of couch potatoes living in my house, including a few 16-year-old boys. (Not the case). Hey, I love wrestling and South Park. Don't judge me! I'm immune to your Grey's Anatomy repeats and commercials for Centrum Silver for women over 50. (I'm not that old.) And sorry, but I won't be tuning into the Georgia O'Keefe movie of the week, despite its Oscar-pedigreed stars. Be content with the time we do spend together, and don't be offended when I don't watch the second season of Rita Rocks. (Missed the first one, too.) But keep up the stunt casting, like Rosie O'Donnell and Liza Minnelli in an upcoming Drop Dead Diva, and maybe you'll have better luck with the gays.
  See you Thursday!
  T.L.

—Posted by T.L. Stanley